I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize