You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize