I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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