I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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