If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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