so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
