Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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