No stitches, just platelets and will power
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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