Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
