I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I take back everything I said about communal showers
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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