Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
