I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
