an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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