and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did I show you my penis last night?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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