Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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