Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
