I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
