i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
