...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
