We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
