Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
