He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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