I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
