I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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