Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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