If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And then he peed in my hair
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