You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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