sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
