I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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