i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
