I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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