Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
