The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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