toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
