i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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