I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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