Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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