You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
