She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
