Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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