you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
