my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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