I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
