I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just invented taco cereal.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
