He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
