hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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