Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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