remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He kissed a someone with a penis
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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