I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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