i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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