Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
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Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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