I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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