Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
