Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
