so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
