My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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