oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
