If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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