Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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