He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
