She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
