I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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