so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
