then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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