she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize