my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
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your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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